Apparently She Was Misinformed...By Me...

Coming to you LIVE from my living room typing on my brand new Mac. Writing and typing NOT from a work iPad is an entirely different experience and may have been exactly what I needed to reinspire me to pick back up writing again.

I’m not sure if it was a lack of inspiration, or the 20+ days on the road a month we’ve been doing since May but it’s like the creative side of my brain had not been able to extend beyond catchy Instagram reels that didn’t exceed 12 seconds or whatever book I have been reading this summer. But maybe that’s okay. This summer was everything I had wished for last year, but that’s another blog for another time.

One thing I did do this summer, aside from flying, is connect with a slew of flight attendants, cabin crew, and those who are new to the industry or about to embark on their own journey in private aviation. Yes, giving SOLICITED advice (and some unsolicited because I’m a Virgo and we just cannot help ourselves).

When trying to dig up some of the earliest memories of this job from the deepest crevices of my brain, you can’t help but do some internal reflection. In fact, some of the best words of wisdom you can provide is a result of such. You mull over things you did right, more things that didn’t quite go as planned, all of the firsts you experienced, your favorites, and what you wish you could forget. The do’s, the don’ts, the “absolutely every time’s” and the “don’t even think about its.”

We like to think that there is some sort of “one size fits all” when it comes to being a private jet flight attendant, some standard, if you will. Some will say there is a standard when it comes to the training you receive, but the reality is, is that every company, account, and jet owner is unique and whatever introspect you have to pass along, can only be taken with a grain of salt. I’m certain a flight attendant would absolutely gawk as the way I organize my snacks or fold my linens, and another would praise me for how I roll our cashmere blankets and the fresh-jet-scent that still holds up.

And because of this, it’s not uncommon to think to ourselves, “Wow, wish I would have known that before/sooner/ever!” For me, it’s not in the moment that these thoughts cross my mind, but rather after giving consideration to the last 3 years. Not to mention – there’s no way I would have listened to anyone because I was 27 and knew absolutely everything there is to know about everything.

Here are a few things I may have been misinformed about…by me….

Your life is going to change, but not overnight like you think.

I remember when I finished training I wanted to live life at hyper-speed and just be on my first flight and flying full-time already. I wanted to be going coast to coast and across oceans. I wanted to go to sleep in Paris and wake up in Tokyo like Lupe. And I wanted that to happen IMMEDIATELY.

While it all did happen fairly quickly for me, while it was happening, all that felt different was my actual job. I was still in a serious relationship, didn’t have to move and stayed in my home of Cincinnati at the time, and had the same friends who went to the same places every weekend. Because of my schedule, I was home more often than most and didn’t feel as though I had to miss out on much if anything.

I took a new job and my jet and my schedule changed. I thought that was it. Looking back, I was a very different person in December 2020 than I was in May 2023. Conversations change, priorities shift, goals and dreams expand in tandem with your world, and in my case, I matured in so many ways. I outgrew my situation without realizing it.

Was this all because of my job? I think so. Flight attendants feel this sense of hyper-independence and if you’re already like that to begin with, things change. You meet new people with lives and perspectives exceeding what you leave behind, for better or worse. Your perspective of the world expands 10-fold and what you know is possible and within reach, might be unfathomable to others.

Maybe some things didn’t change. I’m still outgoing, empathetic (to a fault at times), eager, curious, experience-driven, sarcastic, forgetful, effervescent (still my favorite compliment per Alden), and whatever the word is for someone who struggles with not doing things right the first time and/or failure of any kind. I didn’t feel it while it was happening, but I’m so happy that it did.

Imposter Syndrome – you never get over it, you just learn how to suppress it.

As someone who spends entirely too much time on social media for the sake of “work and research,” there is no way that those who are also active in the social realm do not compare themselves to the next account they scroll through. It’s inevitable. Flight attendants strive for perfection, elegance, being the best, and so on and so forth to the point that we think if we’re not doing something as well as the next person, then we, in turn, are crap. And that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Alas, we feel like imposters. Like a sham. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been here for 5 months, 5 years, or 20, we all feel it and the exact root of it I can’t be certain. The intrusive thoughts of, “What am I doing HERE?!” and “If only my plating looked that beautiful..” or “I don’t dress/look well enough for this job because of x, y, and z” come out to PLAY some days.

And while I do everything I can to will, wish, and Mel Robins Podcast these thoughts away, they still creep in. I don’t have the right answer or the solution to this, but one thing I do know is that when this happens, I know damn well that I am way too busy to listen to this and I have a crew who counts on me and believes in me on the days that I don’t.

We need to stop wearing the self-loathing badge as if it were an honor. What if we turned the conversation around in our heads, or with one another, and talked about why we DO deserve to be here? What we DO do well and what makes us unique in the flight attendant world? I’m not a huge fan of the “fake it ’till you make it saying,” but I do think that it can apply here in that someone (if it wasn’t you) thought you were qualified and “good” enough to be here so if you have to fake THAT feeling until you believe it, be my guest.

(I just came up with this while writing and I am absolutely using that the next time this conversation comes up, because it does and will.)

So until we find a solution to this, this is something I wish someone would have told me and I will happily pass along to the next victim…flight attendant.

This is a 24-hr, 8 day a week job whether you realize it or not.

Just kidding. This one I was warned about daily.

Everything in moderation…except gratitude because that can runeth over.

Seriously – I’m going to say that again. My parents have been telling me this since I was in high school and looking back, while I may not have listened or understood what they were talking about, I certainly do now and wish I had at the time. They must have recognized something in me and my, at times, obsessive need to do everything at 1000%. Everything in moderation. This means saying yes to trips (if contracting), eating junk, going out, working out, packing, making up, selfies, working, spending, drinking, shopping, and traveling. Did I miss anything?

Your first instinct when you start this job is to do everything, see everything, and talk to everyone immediately but you will completely fry out before you even get to genuinely enjoy it. And then you will hate it and wonder what it’s all for anyway and if it’s worth it. You will alienate those who aren’t in aviation (which is the people who were there for you before this) and you’ll forget to take care of yourself.

Some DAYS are a sprint, but I personally think the career aspect of it is a marathon, or at least I hope it is because I don’t see myself stopping any time soon (honestly the only kind of marathon you’ll catch me running).

I read a quiet this morning that said “gratitude and fear cannot dominate the mind at the same time. Every moment you consciously choose to exist in the frequency of gratitude, you are creating your abundant future,” and I FELT THAT. It’s easy to be fearful of so much in this field, so much so that I’m not even going to attempt to name some of the reasons why, but oh…the amount I feel like I have to be grateful for? A CAREER and a future that I love, not just a job, a salary that allows me to live the life I would love, friendships that span thousands of miles, mentors who believe in me, experiences that filled my dream journals growing up, just to name a few. Believe me when I say, every time I step onto that jet or walk into the hangar it is not lost on me that I have a great life that I have and continue to work for. And I’m sure that if you’re reading this, even on your worst day, you would choose this job over and over.

And if you wouldn’t, that’s okay too. But at one time you did. For everything we have to be fearful of, there’s something to be abundantly grateful for.

I’m someone who likes to learn things the hard way, apparently, so maybe it was a good thing that nobody told me these things when I started doing this job. Things will change, you’re not an imposter, and a little bit goes a long way.